Lack of inspiration...

...led me to copying someone I know. So here is the look into my deepest secrets. Not that scary really. Just a tad embarrassing maybe...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 60% Stability 26% Orderliness 36% Accommodation 56% Interdependence 76% Intellectual 63% Mystical 63% Artistic 63% Religious 10% Hedonism 56% Materialism 90% Narcissism 70% Adventurousness 50% Work ethic 70% Self absorbed 63% Conflict seeking 70% Need to dominate 63% Romantic 90% Avoidant 36% Anti-authority 56% Wealth 56% Dependency 76% Change averse 76% Cautiousness 43% Individuality 83% Sexuality 43% Peter pan complex 70% Physical security 83% Physical Fitness 64% Histrionic 90% Paranoia 83% Vanity 76% Hypersensitivity 90% Female cliche 90%

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Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:

craves attention - at times...

messy - definitely!

open - yes

rash - ...and probably regrets it later

irritable - some ppl just know how to push my buttons...

likes large parties - definitely prefer smaller get-togethers

low self control - only around things & ppl that I have a weakness for... ok then...

weird - some say so...

fragile - is this really something I can judge myself. Others say I *seem* fragile.

does not like to be alone - depends, sometimes I love it

emotionally sensitive - yep, say the wrong thing and I...

worrying - only about things I shouldn't worry...

depressed - think it's just sometimes the lack of daylight.

heart over mind - yep

does not respect authority - ahm... apparantly I never have.

dependent - in what way?

not rule conscious - try not to think about it

not good at saving money - so baaad

more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits - sometimes relationships can be very intellectual!

likes to fit in - don't really care...

very social - depends on mood

frequently second guesses self -

phobic - not really

suspicious - only when there's something to be suspisious about!

not careful - I know *sigh*

outgoing - can be...

vain - every now and then

compassionate - for the right cause, yes!

aggressive - better than a push-over. But hold on: I'm one of those as well!?

likes to make fun - sorry...

hates to lose - who doesn't? But am not a bad looser!

No excuses

I know - I haven't written for ages!

And there would have been so much to write about...

In July/August I went on a holiday:
First we went to Budapest where we watched F1 and wandered around the beautiful city, then Vienna (also gorgeous, if a bit too pristine) and last but not least we spent some time at my parents where we went on some walks and stuff.

This alone could have filled pages...

But not enough, last weekend I went to my 10 year Abitur (German A-levels/highschool) reunion. 10 years - blimey! It was really nice, if a bit weird, to see everybody after such a long time. Most of them I really hadn't seen since 1995.
Watching a medley of (now digitized) videos that documented various excursions and school trips, made me realize how much I have grown up and changed (did I really ever think that a perm is a good idea?).
Seeing how many of them were married and hearing some of the girls talk about their kids made me realize how little I had grown up.
So right now I'm feeling ... just right. :)

btw: Should anyone actually read this: I will try and keep more up to date with writing in future - especially if there is something to write about!

Lovely weather makes me smile

It does. It puts me in a better mood.

Getting up in the morning is *so* much easier when the sun is shining.

I can wind the car windows down and cruise, playing "Boys of Summer" and all kinds of happy dance music.

I can dig out treasures from my wardrobe that I haven't worn for a year.
Or even better: buy a completely new outfit for next to nothing (shopping for winter clothes is so much more expensive!).

There is just one thing that annoys me (of course there is):

Why is it that everyone complains once the temperature rises above 20°C? It *is* summer!

And why do we have to put the aircon on overdrive to cool down all rooms to around 17°C so I actually have to get dressed up when going inside?

And why the comment "If it was always this warm/if we could rely on weather like this we wouldn't have to go abroad for a holiday!"
Is the only reason to go abroad really just the weather? I always enjoy experiencing a different culture, speaking (or at least hearing) a different language, taking in the sights etc. Nice weather is a major plus but not the be-all and end-all.

I for my part am loving this weather. Wish I had a bit more time off work though...

When your brain doesn't work...

...not even chocolate helps.

It didn't on Friday anyway.

At all.

My flatmate felt just the same so we kept asking ourselves if it was contagious. Maybe a particular cruel way of mother nature telling us that we are slowly syncronizing.

All we could do was sit on the couch and watch Will & Grace and Friends. Anything more high-brow would have been too much.

Nibbling on meringues and chocolate did *not* work.

So even chocolate has its limitations.

Chocolate!

I can feel my legs this morning.

Not because I did what I had planned to do and went out dancing & drinking, but because I was dragged out for a country walk on Saturday by a very brave man. I'm calling him brave as my mood on the day was anything else but good. Call it hormones, call it bad night sleep I was less than agreeable to pretty much any- and everything and I guess he didn’t really know whether I was going to shout at him or start crying any minute.

I would like to add here that I am trying to be bad tempered for as little as possible and hate it if people excuse bad behaviour or just being downright rude with “well, I’m just in a bad mood today”. Doesn’t hurt to say “please” and “thank you”- a smile, of course, is always optional.

Anyway, we drove out and went for a walk near Bakewell and I think he felt rather proud when, towards the end of it, I was smiling. When I then discovered a Belgian Chocolate Shop on the way back to the car I was nearly all better, spending over £20 on all kinds of sumptuously filled shapes. Said friend must have still felt slightly guilty as he insisted on paying half – maybe he just wanted to make sure he can nick a few…

Anyway, is there actually any point to this entry?

Probably not but maybe that chocolate really is magical...

Flashbacks

Counting up money (sadly not mine) and listening to yet another dodgy 80s online radio station I just experienced the most intense flashback.

They are playing Sunglasses at Night (apparently by Corey Hart).
I am wearing a pair of 501s that, with a 30" waist, are at least 4 sizes too big, a dodgy print top and some weird leather straps around my right wrist.

Dancing with my eyes closed, I'm at the Schwimmbad - my favourite club in the whole world.

I'm sure everyone has a club like that.

One where it was cheap to get in and nearly as cheap to get drunk. It was a bit scruffy and it certainly wasn't considered "trendy". But what mattered was that the DJ played all your favourite songs, so much in fact that most of the time you knew what was coming next. You knew the bouncers and they knew you. At some point it didn't even feel like going out, it was more like dancing in your very big front room. That had huge speakers. And disco lights.

I remember passing a whole A4 sheet full of requests to our DJ Jochen, who I was desperately in love with for about a year. He happily oblidged and played nearly all titles for us. Apart from Take That. He said he was afraid that people might throw things. Oh, and he never fell in love with me.

Anyway, I still go there from time to time although I feel a tad old by now - well, those kids could nearly be mine, even if that would have made me a *very* young mum. The music isn't quite the same any more, even if the odd play of Long Train Running makes it all worthwhile. I have stopped wearing 501s. I'm still wearing the odd dodgy print top. Jochen has long since retired from his DJing throne. I am not in love with him anymore but we are still in touch - well, I do send a birthday card each year.

Sometimes I feel like there is a void in my life where the Schwimmbad used to be. Monica, Rachel & Co. have Central Perk. The people in Boston have Cheers.

I had the Schwimmbad.

Nowadays I get with a night at my favourite club - and flashbacks when listening to dodgy 80s radio stations.

Spontaneity...

So when I came home on Friday and my flatmate said something along the lines of "fancy sitting on the road in Stretford, listening to REM?" I wasn't quite sure what she was on about. As it turned out, REM were playing open air at the Lancashire Cricket Club. Since it was quite a nice evening anyway I decided to go with it and not only did we end up on the street in front but thanks to an - obviously desperate - ticket seller, we ended up getting in for £10 each. Pretty good.

Bopping away with a few thousand fans (or opportunists?) I felt all young and spontaneous.

I felt myself reminded of the times when your plans changed as often as the phone rang. "Party at Stephan's? No, his parent's are in! We're gonna be somewhere in the forest and then in Michael's vineyard!"
You never had to plan for food or drink either, since petrol stations had a good assortment (note that petrol stations in Germany are permitted to sell alcohol).

These days I usually plan a night out about 3 days in advance, thinking about where to go, who to call, what to wear. Oh, and what I'd miss on telly.

Sad really.

I shall therefore be more spontaneous, dig my rollerskates out, kiss whoever I like whenever I like, speak my mind more often and wear clothes just how they come out of the wardrobe not worrying about the concept of an outfit.

Or maybe I'll just grow up and make a plan about how and when to be spontaneous.

Very slow evening at work...

...so I've been browsing other blogs and someone I knew did these tests.

Inspiring...



I'm not quite sure how I am "totally cool". Most people who know me will probably disagree with that since I am a bit of a geek. But who knows who wrote this test...

Guilty pleasures?

I have fallen into a TV black hole.

No ER.
No Desperate Housewives.
Twin Peaks DVD's have not yet arrived.
Friends is finished.
Frasier is finished.
Sex and the City is finished.

So I am finding myself drawn towards watching America's Next Top Model. I know it is dead cheesy. I know the girls are over dramatic. I know Tyra is so full of crap sometimes. And yet I am putting up with all of this because I am fascinated by the photoshoots, the incredible changes after the girls have been through make-up & hair and the fashion shows.

I just gotta be careful not to pick up any of the language. Someone please hit me if I ever call them girlfriend.

The other thing I started watching last night - as I lay on the couch feeling dizzy and sick with mild food poisoning - is The LWord. The last time I attempted to get into it I found it all a bit too... predictable. Of course it is full of gorgeous & sexy young females doing gorgeous & sexy things to each other but it felt like that was all there was to it. Last night there were actually some things happening - on top of all the sexy stuff.

Which - let's be honest - we wouldn't want to miss.

Monday morning...

How hard was it to get out of bed this morning?

After another fab weekend with lots of cheesy pop & dance, some drink and a subsequent (absolutely necessary as hungover) lazy Sunday with lounging & vegging on the couch, I am still a bit confused as to what I am doing here. Having been all hot and sweaty on Saturday night and wrappend in a blanket most of yesterday, today just seems very cold and un-cosy...

Hot drink, I think...

Tired...

Only a few years ago I used to be able to sustain myself on relative little sleep over a fairly long space of time. This was particularly handy when I was stuck in a relationship that had a turned a bit argument heavy, which meant I never got more than 2 hours sleep each night but had to get up and go to work each morning. Although this went on for quite a few months, somehow I still functioned.

When I was even younger I was able to party/stay up for nights on end and still go to school/study/work and have a good time.

Not anymore these days. Didn't get much sleep Thursday night so I was tired all day yesterday. Stayed at a friend's last night watching The Old Grey Whistle Test on DVD and just conked out on the couch. However, I was still "up" at 3am trying to listen to Supertramp and keep a conversation going as I was actually in the mood for a bit of a chat, a drink & music.

Anyway, this morning I literally had to roll myself out of bed to get to work and I am now sitting here with a serious cup of coffee trying to prevent my eyes to shut.

Was planning and looking forward to go out tonight so I will have a nap the minute I get home.

God. What a wimp I have turned into!

So do we know now?

The last episode of Twin Peaks has been watched and although we kind of know what happened to Laura we are still now not supposed to be sure. Lynch ends the story in a way to tell us that there will be more to come. So there.

I decided that if I can get hold of series 2 I will definitely like this ending as it might have the capacity of extending my excitement and offer me more twists and turns.

If I cannot see how it continues I will still like the ending but get annoyed with the fact that I will have to confirm via the wonderful www if what I think happened is true.

If I cannot find any decent info on the www or think that Lynch really just got bored and gave it all a rubbish ending I will be disappointed and cry. Even if that makes me a loser.

Icky icky sore throat

I've got a sore throat and am starting to lose my voice.

Some people who know me might argue that this isn't necessarily a bad thing... However, I am planning on having a fun weekend with a night out in Manchester on Saturday and not being curled up on the couch for most of the time.

Lemon tea... Echinacea... VitaminC...

I've got mail!

Not just email. Nope. Proper post mail. Miss E & Mr N sent me a cd full of pictures from when they were over here a few days ago. Made my day. Yay! :)

Now all I have to do is find some time to figure out how to post some on here...

Overtime?

It is Tuesday 7.15pm and I am still in work. Should have gone home at 5pm made some pasta, opened a bottle of wine and watched the last installment of Twin Peaks.

Instead I decided to help someone to box back issues of journals. For example the title Nature, going back all the way to 1948. And now I am very dusty. Goes to show that really no one will look at anything written a long time ago, even if it was so profound that the author thought it could change the world we live in.

Not that I ever think that. But you never know.

Oh to be concise...

I wish I could write.

I know I can write. Pen & paper, keyboard... whatever.

I can even string letters together to form words and then words will form sentences. And then sentences will form a letter/memo/report. I'm sure you know what I mean. But for one reason or another I always end up rambling. I want to say something and the words just conspire against me saying something completely different from what is in my head.

And then I continue trying to set it straight, digging myself a hole so deep I couldn't possibly ever get out of it.

I once knew someone who knew words. He loved words and words loved him. They never conspired against him. If he wanted to say something nice you'd know it. If he wanted to hurt you you'd know it, too. The Thesaurus was his bible. Maybe it still is. Although we still speak every now and then he isn't really part of my life anymore. All a bit sad but that's just the way it goes. I'm sure he's happy and that's nothing less of what he deserves. I just wish I could have learned more from him.

And there I am rambling again.

I shall try harder, edit more and learn the words that are still missing.

And go back to writing my report from which I needed a break.

The mystery continues

The last episode of Desperate Housewives on Wednesday. So we finally know what happened to Dana/Zach/Deirdre & Co. But we are left with a stupid cliffhanger being informed by a friendly Channel4 voice that Desperate Housewives will return at the beginning of next year?

Excuse me?! Next year?!

A cliffhanger over a week - fine. You are excited and need to know what's happening. You fight the urge to check a spoiler site. You talk to your friends about it, speculating if Ross is going to leave Emily for Rachel/Buffy is really dead/Mike is going to get shot.
All of the above presuming that you are a sad person like me who actually cares that much about a TV programme.

But several months? What exactly is the point? You will be excited for about a week. Then you will forget about it and continue to live your life - should you have one. In absence of that you will find another programme to concentrate on. Or fill the void with something even more meaningless. Like knitting.

Anyway.
More mystery in Twin Peaks. But the solution to each cliffhanger is only as far as the next DVD and since I am currently in possession of the whole set I can live with that.
We still don't now who killed Laura and I am still really enjoying this. I am just hoping that the ending won't disappoint me too much. Like we were all trapped in one of Cooper's bizarre dreams and Laura is actually alive - but has dyed her hair brown...

Strange feeling

Do you know what it’s like when you had a dream and the feeling you had remains with you for the rest of the day?

I’m having one of those days today. I can’t quite remember what I dreamt about but the feeling that remains is quite clear, if strange, since I don’t know what it is directed at. Does this make any sense? Didn’t think so.

Well, I am feeling a bit sad but hopeful as if something bad has happened but soon enough there will be a positive turn *because* of this. All quite bizarre since actually *nothing* has happened and I shouldn’t be feeling anything…

I’m confused.

I think I was too young when Twin Peaks came out...

...to be really interested. Well, maybe I just wasn't interested because I had other stuff to do.

Anyway, yesterday evening I started watching Twin Peaks with a friend for the first time. I thought I'd pretty much know what to expect: strange people in a strange town talking to each other backwards. Well, maybe not exactly, but I certainly expected a high level of weirdness and generally characters being out of touch with reality most of the time. I wasn't quite sure if it was going to be "good and interesting weird" or just "haven't got a clue what's going on weird".
I also remembered the combination of Lynch and MacLachlan in Blue Velvet and hoped that it would be nothing like it because I found BV tediously boring and thought that it was one of the most overrated films ever.

Anyway, I wasn't sure whether I was going to enjoy it, whether Lynch went a bit OTT and whether it was going to be one of those pretentious "you had to be there" dramas. But I got to say that so far I enjoyed it immensely and thankfully it did *not* remind me of Blue Velvet. It actually reminded me a lot of Desperate Housewives and a number of other more recent films/dramas/series, which might be a coincidence but I guess that Lynch has inspired some of the younger filmmakers.

I think we watched the pilot and the first 2 episodes after that and now I am eagerly anticipating the next installment. Cooper just informed us at the end of the last episode that he knew who the killer was (ha! and there was one of those famous dreams!) but considering that there are still quite a few CDs left I assume he is either going to be wrong or he won't tell us for a while.

Tonight is Desperate Housewives night though (last episode of series 1!) so it will probably be a few days before I find out more.... what a sad life I must lead ;)

What a lovely weekend...

..I just had.

My best friend and her boyfriend were over to visit (Thursday - Sunday) and I had the nicest weekend in ages.

We had a lot of catching up to do, went out for a meal, did some touristy stuff (well, how often do you visit sights next to/in the city where you live?), went out for some lovely food and played some board games.

***Maybe this is the right point then to out myself as a board game kinda person. Alright: I like board games. I enjoy meeting up with friends and spending hours playing such games as Carcassonne, Settlers or AlHambra. So there. You might think I'm a geek but I believe that life is about variety. Give me a night on the town. Give me a night at the pictures. Give me a night in with friends. I'd like a bit of everything, otherwise I might get bored.***

Anyway, so now I am feeling a bit blue, missing them and cursing the fact that if I wanted to visit them this weekend the flight would cost me at least £200. All a bit pants really and I can nearly hear my dad say "well, you know, you could just move back home". But I think for that I am still enjoying England too much.

So there. Instead of moping and feeling blue I shall look out the window, see the sunshine and smile about little birdies singing... And think about something reallly interesting to write later this week.

Variety

There was me thinking that most people writing on here were like me: the blog as a diary substitute. Na-ha! I just made the "mistake" clicking on the next blog link in the top right hand corner and spent the past hour or so browsing blog after blog. Diaries, commercial sites, clubs... and all very different...

Well, what did I expect? A few thousand verystefs out there writing about their not so eventful day? Yeah right.

Btw: I discovered this radiostation on the web that plays exclusively 80s stuff. A lot of dodgy flashbacks happening whilst I'm writing this. I know a lot of people think that decade was well and truly tragic in terms of the music it produced but I can't help but love it - sorry.

My music collection is probably one of the most embarassing you could imagine. Very eclectic though. From A-ha to Zucchero. I once had an excel spreadsheet with all my albums on. I shall update that one *sad* day and publish it. A different kind of "coming out of the closet".

I think...

...I use the word "anyway" way too often when I write.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

So how does one start a blog then?

No idea. I am not really bothered by the whole technical setup stuff (that's what wizards and help pages are for) but deciding on how to set up my page and what to write might proof more difficult than anticipated.

There is for one "the theme". How do I decide?! Too newsy, too corporate, too goth, too girly. Nice - but will I still like it in a few weeks' time? So I went with the muted, timeless, slightly more classical look (even if the background does remind me of an old pub's wallpaper) but at least I won't get sick of it too soon - I hope.
Then there is "the name". Do I want to remain completely anonymous? Write under my own name? Or somewhere in between? What will I write about? Will it be stuff so personal that I couldn't possible disclose it to strangers or even worse could it be things that might offend or shock people who actually know me (all of this assuming someone will actually read my ramblings)? God, I really am my father's daughter - sensible even about possibly meaningless stuff...

Anyway, if you are someone who doesn't know me but is nonetheless reading this you might have figured out that I am quite indecisive. Useless at time, really. By the way that doesn't mean that I won't blame someone for making the wrong decision after I refused to make one at all. I see this as my prerogative.

Anyway, I have started my blog. No going back - I think. I guess I will use it as a kind of diary. Have stopped writing one due to the fact that I simply couldn't read my handwriting anymore. And I am faster on a keyboard than with any pen these days. Sad really...